Feb 28, 2012
Welcome to the annual Coke-ademy awards !! Let's get the snow - I mean show started.
Let truth be told, I HATE the Oscars. Granted the last time I did watch them was in 2010, and that was the first time in 15+ years of my last viewing of them, I was under the insane belief that they may actually be entertaining, and that I may actually enjoy them - WRONG - When the Academy wheeled out that kicked-around football known as Barbara Streisand to present the best director category in 2010, I knew EXACTLY what the Academy's agenda was. make Kathryn Bigelow the first female ever to become the recipient of Best Director - and hey - who better to present the award than 'BABS'.
Well, you don't watch the Academy Awards, you don't care who wins, so why complain? - I'm not. What I am trying to get at is this - why should any of us care? really? I meean, you have to understand, the real reason for the academy awards is for 2 things - 1) Deal brokering, what better place than an Oscar's after-party to broker a new film deal, or even, a lucrative contract. and 2) and, sad to say it is the one REAL reason why they attend awards - COCAINE, and lots and lots of it.
Please stop fooling yourself for a second if you think your heroes, your beloved actors, actresses , directors etc. are not raging coke fiends - they are. Hollywood has had a long illustrious - and disastrous - affair with drugs.
And really, why should YOU, the viewer at home feel like (insert actors name here) was ROBBED !! Oh my GOD !!! they were robbed, of an academy award? Really? does their not winning affect the day to day running of YOUR life after the fact? If it does, then here's a dollar, go and buy a fucking life, because like I said, your 'stars' don't really care, in fact 95 percent of them are so wasted on drugs that they applaud for the winner of every category, like the wind-up monkeys you see, with the cymbals on each hand, on toy store shelves - THEY DON'T KNOW NOR CARE... SO WHY SHOULD YOU?
Another thing you need to realize - THE OSCARS ARE RIGGED PEOPLE!!! Shock ! Horror ! nooooooooo, they can't be rigged, they are voted for by Academy members. That is correct, they are, but those votes don't mean a shit, if the Academy is out to make a statement to their audience of 1 billion people, they will - the Black Oscars of 2002 anybody?
Now, another thing. Friends who know friends. Huh? Yeah, Hollywood stalwarts, who have been 'Robbed' over the years, are suddenly winning Oscars due to public backlash, or even, threats of high profile hollywood players, severing ties with film companies if their 'friend' didn't win an Oscar. Sound fantastic? Look it up, it has happened. I mean in all honesty there have been tons of Awards handed out to Hollywood hierarchy for a sub-par piece of work in their film arsenal - Al Pacino for 'Scent of a Woman' anyone?
I am sure people will be asking, but you are part of a film podcast, you HAVE to love the Oscars? No, because the majority of films I like nobody likes... well except my bad-film-lovin' partner in cinematic crime over at the USG (and of our 'B' Team fame here too) Andrew Farmer. And you know what, I am so glad that the films I like, will never ever be tarred with the Academy's filthy brush. Viva la Chillerama !!
My final gripe I have with the monstrosity known as the Oscars is the pomp and circumstance that goes with this ol' shindig. The red carpet, the sicophantic hollywood media who tell EVERY woman on the red carpet she looks 'Gorgeous' or 'Fabulous', the bullshit "I'm just happy to be here, it's a childhood dream come true" line I have heard thousands of times etc. etc.
Note to coked-out actresses: Imitatiting a duck quacking with your hand does NOT constitute waving to your fans you smack head.
Finally, I want to wrap this up by saying, don't hinge everything on the Academy Awards. If you like - or loved - a film that got snubbed, why would that film become any less than what it is to you after nominations? Filmmakers make films for people to see and enjoy, no matter how good or bad they turn out (And yes this also includes the mighty Uwe Boll - shut up his films rock, and he's constantly working so suck it)
Anyway, I would have left you with some of Oscars finest moments via youtube clips, but the Academy - bullies that they are - have threatened legal action against the general folk who have them also uploaded, so all 3rd party postings of Oscar clips on youtube have been removed. Because, you see ONLY the Academy are the ones proud enough to bring you Rob Lowe and his Snow White abomination, and they are also proud of presenting to you Jack Palance making a complete twat of himself doing one-armed pushups, and nothing personifies the Oscars like a coked-out Roberto Benigni his win for Life Is Beautiful.ridiculing himself out of a career forhis win for Life is Beautiful.
I could go on and on, but I won't. These clips (nearly) all of them are available to watch on youtube, only I cannot embed them onto this site, OSCARS won't let me... just another reason why I hate those cunts even more.
Deal with it